I'm BACK to ME....a BETTER MAN

I have been not ME for a while. Im not schizophrenic.
I was full of life. A motivator. A dreamer. A winner.
Slowly FATE has taken me from my self.
I was losing my life. I secluded my self from people. I stopped dreaming and even stopped living. I became a loser.
A lot of things came together at the same time. Hard to bear.
I came to a point that I lost the JOY of living. I wanted not to wake up the next day. I don’t understand my feeling. I am not suicidal type of person but I started not to care about myself.
I was slowly broken into pieces. This is not me at all.
My health, my family, my relationship, my job, everything around me seems so challenging. I loved challenges before. But now I hate it. I used to say that it will either make us a BETTER person or a BITTER person. It made me a bitter person. I hate how I responded to it. But it’s the only time I became true to myself.
Im still here. Coz every time I choose to let go, people who loves me showed up. By all means they were there. They were all just strangers few years back. But in my deepest times, they were there for me. They offered acceptance when I felt rejected. They gave me love when I felt unloved. They offered me warm and caring arms. They became my family away from my biological family.
Yeah I found them just online. But they have extended more than a real hand in my times of need. They have thought me to love life back again. They are bringing back the dream in me. They are the people Im ready to die for. I’m here because you loved me.

FahaD, your will always be my bestfriend and I love you more than life bro. You have offered your family to be my family while away from home. That even silence became comfortable to us. There were bad times. But you were there. When you can't comfort me, you cried with me. Those times means so much to me. We are winners bro. I will always be here for you. WALANG IWANAN.
Ammar, bro we were not from same mother but Im 100% sure you are my brother. Your everyday messages in my guestbooks means a lot to me specially the one you posted today. Its the turning point of everything when u have reminded me of the same words I used to say to my students. Man, no words can say how much I love you and your family. You were there at the right time and at the right place. You pushed me 1000 times to be back to ME. Bro, few years from now you I will show you that you have not wasted a single minute of your time talking to me and pulling me up from my misery. Definitely, the first will not be the last time to meet you....See ya soon. This is for life bro.
Hassan. One word to describe u bro....AMAZING. We've never met and I have never seen your BABY M****** yet, but you were more than what the word FRIEND could describe. Bro, thanx for speaking the words that I NEED to hear, not just the words that I WANT to hear. I love to have u around and I love to disturb u(lol)....The talks we had I treasure so much. Ain't no mountain high enough to keep me from gettin' to u man. U are great.
Samantha, You are wonderful person. The short time we have known each other, I became so comfortable to share my life to you. And we share the same joys and pains of loving and being hurt. You showed me that this life can be as beautiful as it can be as we choose it. I love you sis. Will you be there lifetime for me? God bless you.

And Inshallah more and more to this list of wonderful people.

I love life back again. I know it will not be that easy.

I'm BACK to ME.....a BETTER MAN....a better person....a BESTFRIEND.

Ain't No mOUNtain High

"Ain't no mOuntain high enough...ain't no valley low enoUgh...ain't no rivER wild enough...to keep me from getting to U...", my phone rang for the last time last August 15 @around 2AM. Thats the assigned tone for my bestfriend. That's almost 3 months ago when i talked to him the last time. THe last conversation of almost the everyday talks we had. He bid goodbye and it was for forever.

He was and will always be a wonderful man. Very cheerful, happy, generous, talkative, respectful indeed he lived a great and fruitful life. He will always be remembered that way.

I'm starting to write after almost 3 months of being quiet. I got to keep in touch with his closest cousin and his uncle. During the past months, we used to call one another and sometimes found ourselves weeping over the wonderful memories of him. We terribly missed him.

We share almost same interest in everything, though we are of different roots and background, different professions, different language, and a few year age gap. We love to dine at the Steak Diners, listen to cool music, talk about his and my work, family and friends. We lived in almost 1400km away from each other. BUt we managed to drop each other a call at anytime of the day to just check whether things are going smooth and easy. We love to laugh and to talk about serious matters. WE love coffee for sure (specially turkish coffee). He was awed by one of my great friends...AMeer as if he saw a living legend. He was a dreamer. He loves his work and loved his Indian supervisor. He loves the Filipino man in KUDu Al Mumlaka. He loves to surprise his mom for anything. He loves his dad so dearly and idolized him. He is fascinated with Mamdooh, his brother and loves Mohannad too. He will do anything for his nephew Rayan who would always remind him not to smoke and not to listen to bad music. He cares for his bestfriend Abdul Rahman. We all miss him.

We dreamed together. We planned together for an outing with my wife and children and his. It will never happen anymore. BUt one thing for sure, i will tell my wife and my children someday that I have known an awesome man named Maazen. His story did not end when my cellphone stops ringing his assigned tone. His voice will always be heard. His lessons will always be passed down to generations.

Now i can smile and say "for a lifetime is not too long...to leave us friend".

This is random. I feel better now. I understand that God's ways are always higher than ours.

Y.C.D.I.

Y.C.D.I Four precious words I've heard from a wonderfUl person that I know will keep me on the race for another extra mile.

I got a missed call from AMeer at exactly 11:57pm on my phone. I did not noticed his call for i was deeply engrossed watching one awesome movie. I called him back and we had a little but wonderful chitchat.

Years back, i was telling the same thing to people who are losing hope. I love to help keeping people back on to track. For that i felt like I'm a winner. I don't have to have medals & trophies to be a champion. The "thank you's" were more than enough for me to keep doing it. Until i find myself lost from that track. I felt like i made some few wrong decisions on the way. I felt miserable. I have unlearned a lot of things. Isolated. I have tried to get back. I was up but not as before. The energy, the passion, the motivation, the vision, the determination was'nt the same. I want something to fan the flame in me.

I finally resolved something. Answered a question of long time ago. I was'nt wrong when i decided to leave the job that I love and be in the deserts of Arabia. I did not lost my self, my identity, my passion, but i have found more.

It just took a one phone call from an awesome person to tell me the FOUR PRECIOUS WORDS.....Y.C.D.I....You Can Do It!!! to believe in the unbelievable....to dream the impossible.

Those words keep me out from the shadows of my past successes. I believe I can be more. That I CAN DO IT!!! and that Y.C.D.I. too!

HeAvEn KnoWs

T'was a one fine day. Got some shopping before flying to Riyadh. Relaxed. Jumped from one coffee shop to another.

It was 8:36pm when i received a phone call from one of my friends. I was'nt expecting a shocking news. I was'nt ready. After all I'm enjoying my Jeddah getaway.

The bad news: One of my closest friends died on a car accident. Shocked and speechless. I sat down on the sofa. My mind stopped for few moments. The good times flashed like a scene on a movie i have watched in the past.

I cant cry. I cant believed it. I cant talk.

Tears started to fall from my eyes. I cant contain them. I don't understand. Only heaven knows. I cant ask why.

It took me an hour in such state. Then I started to call some friends to confirm the news. Believing that i could find someone who would tell me that it was just a mistake or a joke. Or that he was just severely injured but still alive. But i was failed. Everyone i talked to on the phone confirmed his untimely death on a car accident.

He is 36 years old with a wife and two kids. We've been good friends and brothers for 3 years now. He loves his job. He is a happy person. He is always a hand when I need a help. We laughed together. We cried. We jogged. All I've got now are the memories of that friendship.

My heart is crushed. I want to write every feeling that I have now. Its almost 4am and I still cant sleep. Tears are falling. Asthma attacks. Feeling cold. Unsure. Really I dont know...........ONLY HEAVEN KNOWS.

But we will be friends forever. In God's hands we know that a lifetime is not too long to leave us.

The GreAT ReWARd

Red SEA. Diving. Beach party. People. Wonderful.

It was an awesome FridAy. It was truly relaxing. Away from work. Far from any stressor.

I woke up at 6am. Excited to go to the Red Sea. Maybe because for almost five years I've never been to the beach. I miss the salty water, the waves, the wind everything about it.

We were at the meeting place at 10 minutes past 8am. Then half an hour drive. Excited. Awed. Anxious about the diving. Then finally right on the seashore of the infamous RED SEA.

The whole thing is not about the Red Sea experience. It's about the great reward for my self. I've heard one motivational speaker once said that one secret of the joy of working is learning how to reward yourself. Knowing the right reason of working is equally important to enjoying it. Many people feel condemned when they reward their selves. Why is it so? Maybe because we learned from the pasts that the reason why we are working is always because of other people. It's to provide for their needs. Only when you are free from these kind of thoughts that you’ll begin to enjoy working.

It is important to know when and how to reward yourself. I treated my self every time I accomplish something. I went to places I’ve never been. I did things I’ve never done. Invigorating. Refreshing.

I had fun today. I celebrated life. I enjoyed swimming with little Souhib. I saw people who are freely enjoying the fruit of their labor with their families.

It’s another “WOW” moment of my life….

---MoOoOoOoOoD, Mediocrity & ME---

I was once a mediocre. Living life inconsistently. Just trying everything without excelling in any of those. I quited that kind of life. I was tired. I'd stopped being just a face in the crowd. I'd like to leave a mark, a legacy, a lesson.

It was once on the pages of a book i read...that if you do something "give your 100% in it" or never do it at all. So i kept that lesson in my life...whenever i do something...I'm giving it my all. My time, my talent and my resources.

A comment on my blog today just reminded me to give my best to this thing that I love to do -writing! I was so flattered to have such comment from a complete stranger. By the way, thanks so much. You don't know how much it mean to me.

Giving my 100% to my blogs means just simply being honest with everything that I'm writing, about my feelings, and my views of the things around me. Everything goes with my mood.

I am now hearing the call for morning prayer, so it means it's a little bit late up here. It's morning. Good dAy!!!

It's Morning

Yesterday was my day off and all I did was sleeping. I was so sick. I hate it when the weather is changing.

I had a lot of complains in my life lately. Maybe it's a perfect time for me to rest, relax and think things over. Yeah....that's what I did overnight after finishing one DVD( I really love the film) and a cup of coffee.

First, leaving is not always the best mean to escape. Sometimes you just have to stay and let things fall on their right places. But im still 90% convinced that i need to leave and face new challenges in a new place with a new work and new people. But who knows, there is still 10% chance of staying. What do u think?

Second, complaining is draining. When I always complain...im beginning to lose my identity, my strenght and my vision. So I'd rather smile and take things easy.

Third, I'm sleepy. It's 8:ooam....It's morning....Good day everyone.